Literally
While visiting family in California, I have realized that my grammar obsession must be in my DNA somewhere because all of my relatives have it as well. We sat around for a good hour, debating various are/is scenarios and laughing over general comical grammar mistakes.
My uncle brought up the misuse of the word "literally." He claims it's the most unnecessary word in the English language. There are two cases of misuse of this word.
1. It's obvious that the use is literal.
Like when someone says "it was literally the hottest day all summer!" That's not... there's no way to interpret that figuratively. It wasn't a metaphor; the hottest day doesn't represent the most trending or happening day. It's obviously already literal.
And ever since my uncle explained this first mistake, I notice it everywhere. It drives me a little nuts. Which is why it's a good thing that the second incorrect usage is hilarious.
2. It's obviously not literal.
This is when someone says "I'm literally the biggest fan of that band!"....are you sure about that? "Literally the biggest" is pretty vague, which leads to hilarious misinterpretations. You're the biggest? Does that mean you're a giant or just horizontally challenged?
In any case, this word has since irritated me to no end (thanks, Uncle Dave).
Until I found the perfect usage for it.
When my sister got married a few years back, we did the cliche sparkler send off. I was in charge of handing out sparklers to the guests and by the time we were ready to light them, I still had a big handful of maybe twenty-five sparklers. I lit one of the sparklers before handing off the lighter and using my sparkler to help light other guests' sparklers. All was well until my sister and her new husband took a while to come out. By the time they were walking the path, my sparkler was almost burnt out and the lighter was nowhere in sight. In a crazed act of desperation, I stuck my sputtering sparkler into the twenty-five others in my other hand.
The seconds before they lit are forever slowed in my mind, my realization of what a horrible idea this was, pulling the sparkler out in an attempt to reverse it, only to see the first few sparks fly out of the handful. It was too late. They were lit.
In a burst of blinding light resembling what I imagine the second coming of Christ will be like, the handful of dangerous spark spitters began hissing and shooting off deadly flashes of fire. The guests cowered, running for cover. For a moment, I held the sparklers up high, shrieking in mad delight.
Then the heat hit. My shrieks turned to pain and I dropped the sparkling sticks of death, which continued to sputter on the ground until a brave guest trampled them and put an end to their horrifying reign once and for all.
It was my moment of blazing glory..........literally.
Recounting this story to my family with the correct use of the word literally has put all of our minds at ease. While mostly incorrectly used and abused, this word is not totally useless.
Still, why would a language have a word that is so difficult to use correctly that it hardly ever makes it out of the dictionary without egregious mishandling?
Because welcome to the English Language.
My uncle brought up the misuse of the word "literally." He claims it's the most unnecessary word in the English language. There are two cases of misuse of this word.
1. It's obvious that the use is literal.
Like when someone says "it was literally the hottest day all summer!" That's not... there's no way to interpret that figuratively. It wasn't a metaphor; the hottest day doesn't represent the most trending or happening day. It's obviously already literal.
And ever since my uncle explained this first mistake, I notice it everywhere. It drives me a little nuts. Which is why it's a good thing that the second incorrect usage is hilarious.
2. It's obviously not literal.
This is when someone says "I'm literally the biggest fan of that band!"....are you sure about that? "Literally the biggest" is pretty vague, which leads to hilarious misinterpretations. You're the biggest? Does that mean you're a giant or just horizontally challenged?
In any case, this word has since irritated me to no end (thanks, Uncle Dave).
Until I found the perfect usage for it.
When my sister got married a few years back, we did the cliche sparkler send off. I was in charge of handing out sparklers to the guests and by the time we were ready to light them, I still had a big handful of maybe twenty-five sparklers. I lit one of the sparklers before handing off the lighter and using my sparkler to help light other guests' sparklers. All was well until my sister and her new husband took a while to come out. By the time they were walking the path, my sparkler was almost burnt out and the lighter was nowhere in sight. In a crazed act of desperation, I stuck my sputtering sparkler into the twenty-five others in my other hand.
The seconds before they lit are forever slowed in my mind, my realization of what a horrible idea this was, pulling the sparkler out in an attempt to reverse it, only to see the first few sparks fly out of the handful. It was too late. They were lit.
In a burst of blinding light resembling what I imagine the second coming of Christ will be like, the handful of dangerous spark spitters began hissing and shooting off deadly flashes of fire. The guests cowered, running for cover. For a moment, I held the sparklers up high, shrieking in mad delight.
Then the heat hit. My shrieks turned to pain and I dropped the sparkling sticks of death, which continued to sputter on the ground until a brave guest trampled them and put an end to their horrifying reign once and for all.
It was my moment of blazing glory..........literally.
Recounting this story to my family with the correct use of the word literally has put all of our minds at ease. While mostly incorrectly used and abused, this word is not totally useless.
Still, why would a language have a word that is so difficult to use correctly that it hardly ever makes it out of the dictionary without egregious mishandling?
Because welcome to the English Language.
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